Falling Again
by lovely-everlark
Summary: This is an Everlark fanfic on how I viewed Peeta and Katniss falling in love again, after the war. And growing back together/ developed relationship again. Post Mockingjay, pre-epilouge material. Disclaimer: I do not own the hunger games
1. Chapter 1

**okey hi guys :) I'm new at this and hopefully my experience with this new environment will be successful. I'm also new to writing, if my page is popular, I will most likely continue. If not I might delete. feel free to leave reviews or comments, constructive criticism always helps if you want more fics! Let's give it a go. thanks!**

**-also I will start off at how peeta and katniss grow back together/fall back in kove after the rebellion. Personally I do not like fics with the change and plot. this is how I viewed how katniss and peeta grew back together most likely. I will apologize in advance for any typos. enjoy! **

Katniss pov:

I wake up to the sound of my own scream.

I must have been thrashing around a lot while sleeping. I had a terrible nightmare. Thankfully this particular nightmare was not about Peeta choking me to death. I hate to relive that. I know Peeta doesn't hate me any more, I know it. But some part if me still thinks he will never find his way back to me.

I instantly find myself lost in thought about all those nights on the train when his strong arms were there to comfort me and ward off the nightmares. How he never was bothered by me in any way, and just wanted to make me feel safe. Mission accomplished, I felt more than safe in his arms.

I want so badly to knock on his door and ask to stay one night. Sure, he won't think more of it then just maybe a sleepover. Even though the term 'sleepover' seems a bit childish. I know he wouldn't mind, he's told me many times before that if I need anything, just come over. I decide I definately need the comfort. I try to make myself presentable, it is only 8:00 pm. Hopefully he is still awake.

It it is chilly outside, I grab an oversized sweater and slip on knee high boots. Winter came just two days ago, and it is already so cold outside. I am wearing a fairly comfortable outfit to sleep in. That is of course he actually lets me stay the night. It is the first time I would have ever asked for the privilege of this, since the rebellion. I brace myself, although I do not know what for, and step outside into the chilly atmosphere.

I am not only surprised by as to how cold it is outside, I am also surprised to see Peeta sitting outside on his porch. He looks exausted from how I can see him. I try carefully to walk across the street, wanted so badly to be embraced in his arms. I have to contain myself and not look too desperate. I wonder if he has to do the same for me whenever he sees me. Is he possible he may still be head over heals for me? After all that has happened? I don't think so.

Everythjng is going smoothly, at least I thought. I slipped on some ice that seems to have paved over the street. I'm such an idiot. How could I even think that walking across the street would be going smoothly? I should have been paying more attention.

My loud fall startles peeta and he immediately is aware of the situation and starts rushing towards me. I am only a few yards away, but it takes Peeta a little longer than it would take for someone without an injured leg to make their way over here. I think I spranged my ankle. I try to get up to walk, but it hurts. Peeta is at my side now, his left hand caressing my shoulder. I fell on my side.

"Katniss what happened? I mean I know you fell, are you okay?"

I try to tell him I am fine, but I end up wincing in pain because apparently not only my ankle hurts. I might have bruised my side, somewhere near my rib cage.

"Katniss? Katniss do you need a doctor?"

"No," I chuckle. "Peeta I just slipped on some ice, I think I'll survive. He smiles. "But my ankle hurts a tiny bit. And I think I just got a bruise. Can I try to walk on it?" He nods in agreement, removing his hand from my shoulder, offering his hand to help me up.

"I think I'll be okay. I feel fine. " A memory flushes back to me. Before the Quarter Quell, when me and Peeta were on tour. We both slipped on some ice preparing for the cameras. I then kissed him for the audience and he kissed back. I wonder if that memory was able to come back to him clearly.

Peeta thinks about this for a second but I see a little objection in his eyes. And now his smile I am just starting to see appear.

Before I can question his myserious behavior, he adjusts his right hand under my legs just below my knees, and takes my lower back with his left, and lifts me so easily off my feet.

"Katniss, you weigh nothing" he says with a grin

"You're just too strong. " I laugh. He carries me into his house with no hesitation and gently sets me down on his couch. He stands and glares at me

"Why were you outside so late a night Katniss? I mean, I know it is only 8:00, but why were you outside?" He then walks over to the door and closes it. he had left it open while carrying me inside. His house smells like warm cinoman, he probably baked something for dinner or desert. Luckily he is still intrigued with baking since the hijacking. He hasn't been painting as much, but I think he'll get the hang of it.

I don't want to bring up me wanting to sleepover, but I also do not want to lie.

"I had a nightmare. I couldn't fall back asleep, I figured I could use some fresh air. Then I saw you outside, I was curious and wanted to see if everything was okay. I slipped on ice on my way over there. I should've been more careful." I laugh. Peeta then walks back over to the couch and sits right beside me. So close, our hips touch.

"Oh yeah." He laughs. "It might even snow this winter, it's been really chilly lately."

"It has. I don't know why I thought fresh air would help me. Instead, it would freeze my toes off" He laughs. "So why were _you_ outside in this cold weather?" I ask.

The sensation of having Peeta sitting this close to me is overwhelming. I'm afraid my expression will show on my face. I'm still really trying to figure out how I truly feel about Peeta Mellark. I knew for sure when he was taken away from me, and his mind was hijacked, that I loved him. I was so afraid Snow would kill him, I hated every second he spent in the Capitol. I still feel the same way of course. I love him. Not just loving him like a brother. I'm in love with him. The most terrifying part of it all, is that he no longer feels the same way.

He must notice the look of sadness on my face because his is suddenly filled with concern. I try and hide it, but he doesn't seem to notice. He must have replied to my question, but I did not notice. He just looks at me.

"I'm sorry Peeta I didn't catch that. What did you say?" I ask.

He looks at me for just a second to make sure that's all I was thinking. He wants to make sure nothing else was bothering me. He seems decided and continues,

"I was outside because, well I don't really have a reason actually." He admits. "I just wanted to go sit outside I suppose." He laughs, "and that's when I heard you fall." He laughs even more.

I playfully punch him in the arm, "Not funny," I try not to laugh. He laughs. I remember what he had said to me once, before the Quell: "I just want to freeze this moment, right here; right now, and live in it forever" I like laughing with Peeta. It makes me feel good. Peeta uses his hands to help him off the couch, and walk over to the kitchen, which is not so far away from where he was sitting.

"Would you like some hot chocolate? Hot tea?" I think about it for a moment. Both are equally satisfying. "Are you having anything ?" I ask.

"Yes, I am going to make myself some hot chocolate." I just look at my feet and think about it. "Katniss," he chuckles, "do you want anything? It's no trouble at all" he gives me a friendly smile. I'm so stupid, it's just a question. Why am I not answering him? I feel embarrassed. "It's not a big deal," I finally say. "No thank you."

He nods and starts to make his hot chocolate. When he is finally finished, he walks back over and sits on his spot on the couch. Once he does, he splashes hot chocolate all over his face and pants. Not all of it, but he didn't sit down very carefully either. I just laugh but he doesn't look amused at all. I come to an abrupt stop.

"My pants!" He says. He's trying to decide whether to laugh or to be serious. He finally decides to laugh, and insists on going to change. "I'll be right back, Katniss. Feel free to explore the house, but do not break anything. Okay?" He says setting down his hot chocolate. I nod.

Peeta works his way upstairs, but I stay seated. I don't think I need to explore really, Victor's homes usually have the same layout. Perhaps Peeta forgot. Or maybe he just thought I could look around. My ankle feels better and there's nothing too interesting down here, so I start to make my way upstairs. Once I'm halfway up the stairs, I hear a loud bang. I start to run upstairs, afraid something has happened to Peeta.

I open the door closest to the stairs a little too fast, and find Peeta on the floor with no pants on. He's wearing his underwear, though. His new pair of pants pants are only half on. He must have tripped over or had some trouble with his fake leg. I hope he wasn't in a rush to get back downstairs. I turn my head away, as fast as I can and apologize.

"Oh, I am so sorry! I heard a bang and I -" I stop. I heard a bang and decided to come into Peeta's room? Where he said he needed to change? I could have just knocked. My face turns bright red and I immediately run downstairs towards the door. I can hear Peeta calling out for me to wait, and that it's okay. I do not listen. He must be so embarrassed. It takes me too long to put on my shoes and jacket, Peeta is already by my side with his new pair of pants. What is wrong with me? I have seen him in his underwear before in the first games. Haymitch and Peeta were right. I am pure. He just looks at me and starts to laugh.

"Katniss it's no big deal. Besides you turned away. I'm not embarrassed and you shouldn't be. It's okay." He laughs again. "I'm glad you were worried for me. I would have done the same." He's right. He would have done the same. I just look at him and he nods, saying it's okay.

"You're not mad?" I ask confused.

He shakes his head. Okay I have made a fool of myself twice tonight. He puts both hands on my shoulders.

"Katniss, you seem pretty shaken up. Do you want to stay for one night? See how you feel in the morning?" I am so glad I didn't have to ask.

"Will it seem weird for you? I mean after all that's happened since the rebellion?"

He thinks about it for a moment and shakes his head. "It's only one night. And it's nessecary."

I decide I am most likely being childish. Afterall, it was just his underwear.

I nod and kick of my shoes, looking for approval, I hadn't had time to put on my sweatshirt yet, so I leave it there. He holds out his hand and I take it, while he leads the way.

He opens the door and gestures that this is where he sleeps. I am looking forward to not having any nightmares tonight. He sleeps in one of those man tank tops and plaid shorts. I suppose he usually sleeps without his shirt, but makes an acception for tonight. He offers more comfortable clothes for me to wear and I accept, heading to the bathroom, connected to the bedroom. I change there and when I return, Peeta is already in his position to sleep. It feels unnessecary to cuddle up to him, so I take my side of the bed. I infer Peeta objects when I am suddenly aware of his arms around me, bringing my back to his chest and sliding me closer to him. I find that uncomfortable and turn around, my face to his chest. Hopefully he doesn't mind. His arms are wrapped around my back and my waist. I feel so safe and warm.

I breathe the word "Goodnight" In his chest and he replies with, "Sweet dreams."

I fall asleep to the steady beat of his heart, like I always did.

Dreading the moment I have to wake up.

**Soooo tell me what you think! I hope you enjoyed! Thanks :)**


	2. Chapter 2

**okeeyy so I haven't been getting many reviews, but in order for the next chapter to be posted I will need at least 5. Again, I apologize for any typos you may find. I'm still getting used to the format and website. I am currently continuing my story on how I imagined Peeta and katniss falling in love again, and if I get that far, I may continue the story on their marriage, discussion for kids, etc. just tell me when I get that far! Sorry for the confusion, but thank you so much for your support! Enjoy. **

**Disclaimer: I do not own The Hunger Games**

Ever since Peeta allowed me to stay the night at his house, we have been talking more often. I feel maybe, just _maybe _he could be turning back to his old self. I know he will not ever be the same agin, but there's been progress. I was hoping for when spring comes around, Peeta could help me plant some primroses in my front yard. I guess you could say I'm some sort of expert on plants, but not planting them. As if on cue, Peeta walks out his front door. I decide to walk over to where he is standing, careful not to slip on any ice along the way. Spring is near, although it is still chilly outside. Peeta sees me before I reach him, and meets me halfway.

"What are you up to?" I ask.

"I was just about to head into town. Maybe pick up some paints and a canvas. It's nice out and I would like to attempt at drawing the view."

What view? There's nothing but brown grass here near the Victor's Village. I want to question him, but decide not too, although it is indeed a beautiful day outside.

"Sounds nice." I force myself to say. There's a long pause.

"Well I'm in no hurry, do you want to come with me?" He finally asks.

I really have nothing else to do so I nod my head in agreement. I'm very glad Peeta wants to paint again. Or at least try to. I ask him how every thing is going, have small talk w"ith him.

"So, you said you wanted to paint the view? From your house?" I ask.

"Yeah I think it'd be nice. Don't you? I can see it now: sunny skies, fairly cloudy, green grass." He is in awe.

I am most definately not in awe. The grass isn't even green. It sounds like a little child's painting. I don't mention this to Peeta, but I do suggest something to him.

"My dad and I, there was this place in the woods we liked to call a 'meadow' we would go their all the time." I think about when I recited "The Hanging Tree" there by the lake. "There's also a lake there. Very beautiful." I say

Peeta thinks about this for a moment. I continue, "I thought maybe you'd be more interested in painting that than, you know, this." I wave my hands around behind me and gesture to the place we call home. Very un-extrordinary. He thinks about this for a moment.

"Katniss that truly sounds great, but I don't know how to get there, and you know how I am in the woods."

We both laugh. Peeta doesn't do that great in the woods. I can't imagine how he would try to find his way around. I decide it's time to show him the great fantasies about the woods.

"How about I show you around? I could take you there. And I wouldn't mind waiting on the painting. I could take a nap, it's very peaceful there. But it's totally up to you, I understand if you would rather be alone." I wait until he answers.

"No, actually I wouldn't mind. That sounds nice. Maybe I could arrange a picnic for the day too, I wouldn't want you to get impatient. What do you say?"

"It's a date." As soon as the words come out of my mouth I already start to regret them. I start to panic at my choice of words, but Peeta doesn't seem to care. He probably wouldn't even think of it as a date. Would he? I get lost in thought, and that is when we reach the store that apparently sells artsy stuff. I don't know what to call it, so I'll just stick with 'artsy.'

Peeta opens the door for me and I graciously accept. We walk into the store and the smell of clay, wet paint, tap water, etc. fills my nose. Peeta doesn't seem to notice, either that or he doesn't mind or care. He smiles at me and starts to wander near the paint section. I follow him. He picks up many shades of different colors for nature. He also grabs a rather large canvas and works his way up to the register. Once we are out of the store, he lets me lead.

We soon make our way to the fence and I climb under. Peeta tries to, he probably thinks he will cut himself on the jagged edges. I start to jog a away from the fence, as an instinct of course, totally forgetting Peeta was with me. I then hear Peeta finally make it thought the hole under the fence. He must be relived. "That was quite a workout!" He hollers behind me. That's when I realize I have been running away from him. I didn't get far though, he can still see me and I can see him. We catch up to one another, and continue to walk toward the meadow. When we finally make it, he attempts to sit down and enjoy the view, but ends up slipping on some mud. I only manage to laugh.

"Ow Katniss, that hurt."

"Now you know how I felt." I laugh even more. He picks up a glob of mud in his hands, and before I can fully realize what he is about to do, I feel mud being thrown at my face. It's his turn to laugh.

"Oh no you did not." I say trying to sound agitated.

"But oh I did." I can hear the playful tone in his voice and decide to jump on him, forgetting he is sitting in mud. I roll him over onto his back and pin his wrists to the ground. But, of course, he is stronger than I am and he manages to roll me onto my back and pin me down.

"I think you're out of options." He smirks at me. I can't think of any way out of his move. I stick my tongue out at him like a child, and before I can surrender, he loosens his grip. I take this chance to flip him back over, with more force this time, and make sure he stays pinned to the ground. Peeta chuckles,

"Alright, alright, you win."

"That's what I like to hear." I say happily, even though I think he let me win. We both look at each other and laugh. We are both covered in mud. I tell him we should rinse off in the lake and he agrees. Thank god I am wearing a tank top underneath my shirt. I take my shirt off and jump into the lake with it, leaving my jeans on. Peeta does the same, although he is not wearing another shirt underneath. Our clothes will be saturated, but will hopefully dry while Peeta works on his painting. He knows the basics of swimming, I taught him most of it in the Quell. So he does not need any assistance. We try to clean off our clothing as best as we can. It is rather chilly when my wet skin and clothes come in contact with the wind. I hop out and find a spot to sit. Peeta joins me and starts to get ready to work. I shiver.

"Katniss are you cold?" You're basically shivering."

"Just a little. Are you?"

"Not really. Come here." He gestures and signals for me to come closer to him. I do, and find myself slowly drifting off to sleep on his lap. I would much rather prefer to be in his arms, but I don't want to interfere with his painting. Before I drift off, he mentions how maybe he could prepare something for lunch at his place. I agree, and tell him to wake me when he is finished.

I wake, aware of being carried. My arms are around Peeta's neck and he is carrying me like he always does. My head was nuzzled on his shoulder blade. He must have dozed off too, while his painting was drying. It looks beautiful. I can see the gate from here.

"Peeta Mellark!" I exclaim. He must not have known I just woke up, he jumped a little.

"Umm hmm Katniss?" He asks.

"You said you would wake me." I yawn

"Yes I did."

"But you didn't."

"No I did not." He sets me down and let's me climb under the fence. He hands me the painting and paints, careful not to ruin anything. Once he is on the other side, he picks me up again. I decide that I am not going to win whatever game he is playing with me, so I sigh and let him carry me. Stubborn. I try my hardest not to fall back to sleep, which should be easy because Peeta is never light on his feet. But I soon give in. I sleep until we arrive at the Victor's Village. I hear a loud crash as Peeta enters his house. He sets down his paints and paintings, but not me. He walks toward the couch and gently lets me down, covering me with a blanket. I can hear him talking to another man. I recognize the raspy voice and dread opening my eyes to see who it is.

Haymitch is as drunk as ever. He must have walked into the wrong house. Again. Victor's houses have the same key for each.

"It's been a long time, hasn't it sweetheart?"

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	3. Chapter 3

**Enjoy this next chapter :) leave some reviews for me! I would love to read them. Tell me what you think! And constructive critisism always helps. ! Also sorry if you thought this was a crappy chapter, or Peeta and katniss's relationship developed too quickly, I just wanted to get to the point. I also wrote both parts to this very late at night. Enjoy!**

"Haymitch." I say sarcastically, "Joy."

"How's it going, sweetheart?" I scoff at him. Peeta looks at me in disbelief.

"Bad mood? Okay."

I'm not nessecarily in a bad mood. I just had a wonderful day with Peeta. I am tired, though. Haymitch hasn't done me very many favors. I'm still upset about him leaving Peeta behind in the quell. Even though his mistake lives in the post, I do not think I will ever be ble to forgive him. Because Peeta was abandoned in the arena, he was abused, tortured, and hijacked. I would much rather it be me left in the arena, and Haymitch knows that too. He made a promise, and he broke it. I would give my life to save Peeta's any day. This makes me want to argue with Haymitch.

"No, actually. I'm in a great mood. Me and Peeta spent the afternoon together." I can feel Haymitch looking at me, but I just turn to look at Peeta. Peeta can see by my face expression that it's his turn to talk. So he does.

"Yeah, Haymitch, it was great. Me and Katniss were just about to prepare lunch. Would you like to join us?" Peeta asks.

Great. I did not want Haymitch to intrude on our- our date? No. He is going to ruin our day. I wanted to spend the whole day with Peeta. It seems selfish and maybe even childish, but I want Peeta to myself. At least for now.

"Okay boy, I can tell by your girls face expression here that I'm not wanted here."

Crap. My face must show my displeasure in Haymitch joining for lunch. Peeta looks at me confused, and I look at him back confused. Haymitch looks back and forth between the two of us. This is not okay. Haymitch cannot think that he can just embarrass me because I want to spend extra time with Peeta. His brain was hijacked for gods sake. Peeta loved me unconditionally and now he does not. He would do anything for me, and he never let me down. I do not know why such a thing as to Haymitch embarrassing me could make me go nuts. But I do know one thing for sure. Haymitch left Peeta in that arena to die when he could have been saved. And in the end, Peeta was punished for that action. I know it has been a while since all that has happened, but right here, right now, I am furious with Haymitch all over gain.

Instincts say he can read my mind, and he gets up from where he was sitting. Well, tries. He stumbles onto the floor face first. I scoff and look at him. Peeta tries to help him up, but Haymitch does not accept his offer and pushes him away.

"I'm not that old boy." Scolds Haymitch.

Peeta raises his hand in surrender and lets Haymitch tumble out of the door. I want so badly to chase him down and confront him about how I feel towards his past nonsense.

Peeta walks over and closes the door Haymitch left open. I hope my thoughts towards Haymitch do not show on my face. Peeta starts rubbing my back, as if there is something wrong, which there is, but he does not know what. I try to look happy, after all it looks like I can spend the rest on the afternoon with Peeta.

"What's with Haymitch? Is everything okay?"Peeta asks.

"I bet it's the liquor." I say back to him with a shrug.

"Must be." Peeta says unconvinced. "What would you like to prepare for lunch? The day is still young."

Thoughts start coursing through my brain on what to prepare. I want it to be something I could help with, but before I can fully decide on something Peeta suggests that he could teach me how to bake something.

"We could start easy, not complicated. After all, you taught me how to swim properly." He suggests.

"I'd probably keep you behind." I laugh. I'm not very good at making meals. Just hunting for them.

"Come on. It will be fun. A nice way to spend time with each other."

Maybe I could actually learn how to bake something, and even surprise him with it. I would like to make Peeta feel good about himself, for introducing me to something I enjoy doing. Not that I'd ever be as good as Peeta Mellark, he is the 'boy with the bread.' I decide that I will give baking a go.

"Alright let's get started." Peeta says anxiously while rubbing his hands together.

We both stand up from our spot on the couch and walk towards the kitchen.

Peeta sets out different ingredients for various things I hope he knows he's probably wasting his time on trying to teach me how to bake. I'll probably burn everything, anyways. I suppose he will give me different options on what to bake, and has back up for alternative reasons. I start to smile.

Peeta looks at me and questions my reason for smiling.

"I'm just, excited to bake._ Try _to bake." I correct myself. I do think it is nice of Peeta to try to teach me something new. I'm most excited to be able to bond with him over something, or I should just say spend time with him. Surely I will screw up, something to laugh about.

"So what would you like to bake for lunch?" Peeta asks.

I honestly do not know.

"Whatever you think is best. You're the master, Peeta."

"Hmmmmm." Peeta obnoxiously hums.

"What about scones? They are very popular in England, and often served with tea. They would also be very easy to make. It's my first time making them too, so we'll both learn together." He suggests.

"Sounds nice," I say. "Let's try it."

Peeta nods, satisfied, and gets the ingredients needed for these English treats.

These consist of buttermilk, butter, flour, white chocolate chips, sugar, etc. I love doughy, floury, sugary things. It brings a sensation to my taste buds I'm incapable of understanding. It seems at bit dramatic. Though, it can't compete with how I feel towards Peeta. It can't even compete. Especially all the kisses in the arena. The sensation I felt because of all those kisses. Peeta doesn't know it, but the kisses in the Quell were 110% real. I consider my most cherished kiss with Peeta, on the beach, or first kiss. Maybe in the first games too, I'm not quite so sure. What I do know for sure, is he left me wanting more kisses. Nothing can compete with how I felt and still feel towards Peeta.

I shake my head to clear the thought and turn my attention back to Peeta. He has finished preparing, so we can start to bake. He explains most steps to me, though I do not understand much. He tells me when I can do what, and after what seems like ages, eventually we get to the putting them in the oven part. Thank god. It felt literally like forever. It was very fun, but I do not think that recipe will stick. You would think that if it were fun, it would go by quickly. I guess I want more of Peeta then just a baking lesson. I was caught in many moments of how much I miss his old self. Anyhow, they look delicious. In one moment, Peeta had to help me knead the dough. I don't know, apparently I was doing it the wrong way. He took my hands in his and started to help me. It was only just until a few minutes until he finally had to let go.

I want to do this everyday, not just one day out of the month, everyday. He makes me feel good. I want to wake up to warm and steady arms, in the same position in which I had fallen asleep. He brings out the best of me, and I don't think he realizes it. I look forward to seeing him everyday. I want to tell him how I feel so badly, but I can't. Not after all that has happened to me, and to him.

Peeta just finished placing the scones in the oven and is ready to clean up. I scoop flour off of the counter and into my hands. As soon as I turn around, my flour coated hand comes in contact with Peeta's belly. He is wearing a white t-shirt, not that any other color shirt would be affected.

"Oh, you want to play that game?" Peeta asks mischievously.

I am just about to explain when Peeta smears flour on my left cheek. He chuckles. I bring my hand to my cheek and touch the recently smeared flour on my face. Before I can think of anything else I grab and handful of flour from the package and throw it into Peeta's face. He wipes flour from his eyes and blows the remains in my face. I laugh at him. I shake my fingers through his hair to get most of the flour out of it. We look at each other, and laugh. He walks over to the sink and wets a washcloth in warm water. He wrings it out and walks back over to where I am standing to clean the counter off, free of flour. He walks back over to the sink, wets it some more, and wrings it out. He sets it down on the counter and lifts me off my feet, hugging my waist, and sits me on the counter.

"Here." He says.

He brings the warm washcloth to my face and gently wipes away flour from my cheeks, nose, chin, and forehead. Once he is satisfied with no flour remaining on my face, he looks at me as if concentrating real hard. His face is so close to my lips. I look at him with a smile on my face, just like in the first games when insisted on giving me medicine I risked my life for. I wonder if he remembers too. He shakes his head, as if trying to forget whatever he was thinking, and puts oven kits on to take our scones out of the oven.

He leans back on the counter, waiting for them to cool. I wonder if he knows he still has flour all over his face.

"They turned out nice." He says smiling.

"Peeta," I chuckle, "you still have flour all over your face." I say grabbing the washcloth, wetting it once again. He laughs. I walk over to him after wringing out the washcloths, and pat his face with it until all of the flour is gone. He looks at me again, with the same look on his face. I want so badly to kiss him, but if he does not feel the same way, everything will be ruined. I'm not sure if he knows entirely how he feels about me again, after the hijacking. Maybe some parts of him have learned to love me again, in another way. I hope so. I hope he will eventually find his way back to me.

Peeta looks at the scones and then back to me.

"I'd give them a 12 out of 10." He looks me in the eye.

I look back at the scones. They do look great.

"Yeah," I breathe. "They look delicious. We did a good job." I say.

"I wasn't talking about the scones, Katniss."

I look at him confused, turning to look at the scones again. I give him a questioning look.

"I was talking about your eyes." He laughs. "They're beautiful."

I can't help but blush. I try to turn away, but I am soon aware of Peeta's lips on mine. He brought my face back to his, under my chin, caressing my cheek.

I finally close my eyes, and let myself enjoy this moment. Peeta has flour on his bottom lip, but I remove it, deepening the kiss. I don't even care about the stupid scones anymore. Peeta leaves his hand on my cheek and moves his other around my waist. I can't help but wrap my arms around his neck. Peeta almost pulls back for a moment, but leaves his lips where they are. I worry he might think kissing me was a mistake. But only one thought is coursing through my mind. I love Peeta Mellark.

**What did you guys think ? :) I MUST HAVE REVIEWS IN ORDER TO UPDATE. pls tell me your thoughts! Was I going to fast? Should I deepen there love story even more? Should I do Peeta Pov? Tell me! Should I continue from here, or should Peeta think this was all a mistake ? Pls leave an opinion for me, eventually I will improve. I will apoligize, however, I made one part of is story late at night and the other the next night at like midnight ! I wanted it done for you guys :) I am extremely tired. Thank you guys!**


	4. Chapter 4

**Hey guys! So I'm gonna start with Peeta's POV :) I've finally decided to continue their love story from here, but Peeta will be unsure about how he felt and does feel towards Katniss. Also if will add the scone recipe, but it will be maybe a couple chapters away. I am spending most of my Christmas break with my grandmother, and the recipe is unreachable at this moment! Sorry. But I will say scones are SO good. It took me a while to think of what katniss and Peeta could bake for a decent meal. Anyways, this is my chapter going deeper into Peeta's feelings. Also thanks for all the reviews! I love reading them, even if that sounds cheesy. It also really helps. Enjoy!**

Peeta POV:

Katniss's lips felt so good on mine. But, it doesn't feel right. It's really hard to explain. Especially at this moment, after all that has happened between us. My memories with Katniss are still fuzzy. I'm not quite so sure if that all of that is true, it's still not as clear as it needs to be. Gale told me that the kiss in the quell was definately real. He said I won her over, that she never kissed him like that. I may have been shown videos, but that only shows what happened between us. That could have been part of the plan, or the show. I may see the memories, but I will never actually _see_ them. I can't relive them, I don't know how I was feeling during/towards them. I will never see what I saw in Katniss before, apparently.

I just _can't_ remember. No matter how hard I try. I get flash backs, memories, and attacks, but that only shows me the memory. Not how I felt. I probably will never be able to know why I fell in love with Katniss. How I _felt_ towards her. I may have over thought it when I kissed her, it felt a little unnatural. I can't figure out how I truly feel about Katniss Everdeen. Why did I kiss her? In that one moment did I truly remember how amazing she was? I figure I have to find out pretty quick. She's nice to have around, I like being with her. No question.

Katniss left about five minutes after I kissed her, she took a bag of scones with her. They turned out nice. She seemed eager to learn, but more eager to spend time with me. Katniss certainly did kiss back, and there was absolutely no rejection in her eyes. I guess I never thought about Katniss's feelings towards me. I can't imagine how she must have felt when I was taken away from here, and my mind was hijacked. Especially if she really loved me, like every one says she did. The problem is, I can't get any of those memories back. I don't know how Katniss or I felt. I wish I could remember, I wish I could remember so badly.

I decide I need to figure this out, or maybe talk to Katniss. Not nessecarily saying that the kiss was bad, or it was the wrong thing to do. I do not want her to think our friendship is simply ruined.

If it is friendship, anyways. It was probably more than that to her.

I understand it will be hard to relive the past, but I need to learn about the past between us some more.

Katniss has left about an hour ago, I grab a light jacket with shoes and head outside. It's not as cold as it was, since Katniss slipped on ice and we started talking more. It's been a few months, maybe five. They have gone by so fast, spending time with Katniss. I approach the door after walking for about two minutes. I brace myself before knocking on the door, hoping this isn't a mistake. It's about four seconds before the door opens. Katniss smiles.

"Peeta." She says.

"Hey Katniss," I say back to her.

We stay silent for a moment before Katniss asks, "Did you want to come in?"

"Yeah," I breathe. "For a little while. Can I?"

"Yes, of course." Katniss says opening the door wider for my entrance. She closes the door, and leads me to the couch. It's just like my house, I don't think I've ever been in hers.

"Is something wrong?" She asks after taking her seat beside me. She looks concerned. All I had been doing was staring at my feet, searching for words to say.

"Oh no, nothing. I thought maybe we could play that game, that Jackson made up." I say. Maybe she forgot about me kissing her, or maybe she just simply_ wants_ to forget. I'm not quite so sure if I want to forget. Maybe it meant nothing to her.

"Real or not real?" She asks.

"I thinks that's the name of it." I nod.

"Okay sure, what's your question?" She asks. I have many questions to ask, although I do not want to pressure her too much. It would dig up the past way more than I intended to. But, I end up asking the question that has been eating away my thoughts since the rebellion.

"The Quarter Quell kiss, was it all an act?" I ask anxiously. I need to know the answer to this. This, might determine my future with her.

She hesitates before she answers,

"Not real." She says. "At least to me. That kiss was 100% real to me. It was real in my head that it was our millionth, but in my heart I knew it was only our first. Don't get confused, the answer is 'not real' but that kiss was real to me. It was not an act. I never got to figure out if was real to you too, and I guess now we'll never know." She says, trying to fight back tears. I look at her with a straight face, I don't know what I am going to do.

I then ask another question, taking it slowly with all the memories.

"Did you think it was real to me? The kiss?" I ask.

I know katniss wants so badly to cry. I want to tell her its okay to, but then she won't be able to stop.

"I don't know. I'm sure part of it was for the audience to you. You were probably certain I did it for the cameras. You never mentioned the baby when you were talking about me needing to survive and return to my family. You never said to take care of our child, or that we need each other, and I could learn to grieve with our beautiful baby. That too, was for the audience. I hoped with all my heart you would believe me when I said that I needed you, because I did. Only I would be damaged if you died, Peeta. You made me who I am today, and I hadn't even been able to repay you for all the favors you did for me. It's possible you thought the whole scene was for the cameras. It's more than likely, actually. You never disappoint, but I had no other way of explaining to you that I wouldn't be able to live without you." She looks at me with glassy eyes, waiting for a response. When I don't give her one, she answers for me.

"It's okay, if you don't love me anymore, Peeta. Only you could tell me if you knew what I felt for you then was real. Unfortunately, that's not an option anymore. It's okay if you think that things could never be the same between us, I understand."

Then. 'Only you could tell me if you knew what I felt for you then was real.' Maybe she is saying I should just forget I ever kissed her. I want to know more.

"Katniss, did you love me? Then?" I make sure to add 'then' because I know whatever she felt for me is now gone. If she even felt anything.

"I didn't realize until you were gone. Until that one night in the beach, I was sure I had feelings for you then and before the quell. I could never shake my connection with you, when you tossed me that bread. The kisses, that were not part of the act, left me wanting more. I never even realized until you were gone. Completely. And then you didn't love me anymore, how could you? I was basically a stranger. I wish you would have at least known before being hijacked. Being taken away from who you love without knowing they love you back? Without ever coming back to them the same? That's probably the worst torture. I don't know how much you have been through, but I'm sure that was the worst for you while you could still remember. I know it would be for me. I wish I had more days with the old you, the one who loved me. To tell you how I felt. I'm so sorry that didn't happen. And even more so for what _did_ happen."

This is when the tears finally start to fall down from those eyes, those beautiful eyes. They don't have that glow, the look of happiness. All I can see now is sorrow and regret. I cannot even imagine how she must be feeling. It's clear she knows I'm not in love with her, and she made it seem like her feelings for me are gone. I don't know how to decide on my feelings right at this second. I cannot even form words. So instead, to escape the coughs escaping from her mouth, I silence them with my mouth pressed to hers. She still hiccups, halfway, but I don't pull back until I think she stops, and realizes I'm waiting on her. I bring my hands up her cheeks and cup her face. It feels natural to take her face in my hands. I can feel the warm tears that have slid down her face. I pull back, but my lips are still on hers. Once lips finally detach from hers, I look her in the eye and wipe away her tears with my thumb. She really does have beautiful eyes. Now that the tears are wiped away from her face, I finally have the courage to say,

"Now there are those same, irresistible eyes that I fell head over heals for before."

A smile escapes her lips.

I chose my words carefully. She sniffles and I rub her back, telling her it is okay. Hers eyes are much more beautiful when they are not filled with tears.

She nods. I will determine how I feel about Katniss and what is going on between us later. I can work for here. I have history with Katniss, and neither of those kisses were for nothing.

Right now, she needs someone to hold her.

So I do exactly that, for the rest of the night.

**Sorry if this chapter was disappointing, it was mainly about Peeta trying to figure out what is going on and reviewing the past about how katniss truly felt before he was hijacked. Leave some reviews for me :) I love reading hem waking up in the morning! Should I do Peeta POV for the next chapter? Both of them will really be determining how they ****_should_**** feel towards one another. Katniss already knows she still loves Peeta. Peeta is heading in that direction, but is having trouble deciding if that is what is actually happening between them, and what should happen, and what not. It will take another chapter or two for him to figure it out. And even more before he gets the courage to ask if she still loves him after all that time. I hope you guys liked it! Tell me what you think :)**


	5. Chapter 5

**Hey guys! So I've been having some trouble on deciding where I should start up the story again and how it should be progressing. Again, sorry, will will probably be way more than a few typos, I am currently writing my story on an iPod. I try to fix many mistakes, and I usually will replace a chapter, depending just on how many typos there were. Thanks again! Leave some reviews please :) i love to read them and they help so muchhh! Enjoy :)))))**

Katniss POV:

I wake up warm, wrapped in Peeta's arms. We are cuddled with blankets and each other. My hand and my left cheek take a place on Peeta's bare chest, which is so warm. Peeta is sleeping, breathing through his nose. His arms are wrapped around my waist and my back. We are in my bed, how did that happen? Last I remember is crying myself to sleep in Peeta's arms. He had asked me some questions about our history together, with the game 'real or not real.' I'm positive Peeta wasn't trying to hurt me, maybe just wanted some input on what happened between us in the past. He must have just held me for a while, eventually gave in, and carried me upstairs. Like he always does. I'm surprised he didn't just cover me with a blanket and go back to his house. Maybe he didn't want to be alone, or maybe he just didn't want to leave me. I feel so bad. He must feel terrible and think he has done something horrible to me. He didn't. That's just how much I really love Peeta Mellark.

I hear Peeta breath through his nose and a moan escapes his lips. A few moments later, Peeta's eyes flutter open.

"Good morning." He manages to get out before he yawns.

"Good morning. How'd you sleep?" I ask with a smile.

"No nightmares. You?" He asks.

"No nightmares." I confirm. I never have nightmares when I'm safe in Peeta's arms. He always seems to ward off all the nightmares.

He smiles and starts to play with my hair. It feels good on my back, I am wearing a tank top and my back is exposed. Even though my hair is a mess, the end of my braid feels good on my back. Peeta doesn't even seem to mind my morning hair. After playing with my braid for a little while, he starts to slowly take apart my braid. Hopefully Peeta knows how to braid, because I won't be moving from my position that I am in anytime soon. Once it is just my loose hair, he starts to intertwine his fingers with small strands of my hair. They each fall to my bare back, and once Peeta is satisfied with playing with my hair, he pulls it back and starts to make a new braid, less messy.

"Your hair is really soft, Katniss." He compliments me.

"It's not even that soft." I laugh. "I don't care if you play with my hair, as long as you can keep your arms wrapped around me." I say.

Peeta laughs at my response. With that, he wraps his arms tighter around my body and pulls me closer to his chest. He smells like cinoman and sugar, I wonder why. Peeta sighs from satisfaction, and breathes in my collarbone.

"Katniss, can I ask you something?" Peeta says cautiously.

"Peeta, you can ask me anything." I assure him. I wonder if he will question the day before this. When he kissed me. Twice. Did it mean anything to him? Does he regret it? I don't know, I better not mention it until Peeta feels comfortable to.

He hesitates before answering. He stops himself and clears his thoughts.

"Are you cold? I'm freezing." He covers himself.

No, that will not do it. He wasn't going to ask a dumb question like that, there must be something else. I look at him, showing him I don't believe that's what he was thinking. He plays it off, as if that was what he was actually going to ask me. I decide I can't pressure him into it now, I can arrange day plans with him later. So, I shrug and tell him I feel fine. He looks at me again.

"What about some breakfast? Pancakes, bacon, sausage?" He asks.

"Just a few more minutes." I beg to him.

Peeta chuckles and rips the covers off of both of our bodies with one hand. I curl up to him and shiver.

"Peeta, you just said you were cold." I object.

"Yes I did Katniss, but it's time for breakfast." He demands playfully. He pulls apart from me and hops off of the bed.

"Peeta please come back over here, for a few minutes. Then I will get up. I promise." I plead.

Peeta looks at me and to the stairway that leads to the kitchen. I guess you could say we can agree to disagree when he lifts me from my spot on the couch and carries me downstairs. He has been carrying me a lot lately. Luckily, he still has some body heat, and I enjoy that for the few moments I have left. He tries to set me down in a chair in the dining room, but I cling to his body. I wrap my arms around his neck, and my legs around his waist, making it impossible for him to do anything but let me hang on him. Peeta eventually gives up and carries me back to bed, climbing in with me. He opens his arms wide, allowing me to cuddle up to him. I accept the offer, and let him wrap his arms around me.

"Well you're a piece of work aren't you?" He chuckles.

I remember him saying something similar to me after his rescue. I nod with a smile on my face. Content.

"Fine. But you're making breakfast." He demands.

I laugh. This gives me a perfect opportunity to arrange day plans with Peeta, and find out what he really wanted to ask me. Maybe even talk to him about us. But for right now, I get to fall asleep once again in Peeta's warm, safe arms.

**Thought I'd give you guys a random, fluffy chapter between katniss and Peeta :) this chapter was really short, but it didn't really have anything to do with the story's plot and i figured I could just write a cute scene for the two :) leave some reviews on what you think katniss and Peeta should do for the day, or how that chapter should end! Thanks :) goodmorning! It's 12:00 am **


	6. Chapter 6

**:) hey guys! So I managed to whip up a longer chapter with a deeper meaning to it between katniss and Peeta. Here, I will try to attack everlark feels. Sorry guys. Not much fluff this chapter. Peeta and katniss (mostly Peeta) will really be trying to determine his/ her feelings towards the other. I am really focusing on that this chapter, to get it over with. It's not gonna be the end, before the real or not real scene. This chapter will take off with an issue if you don't mind. I'm actually scared myself. But, you know being realistic katniss and Peeta probably had some issues along the way to them falling in love again. I'm really sad their love story didn't originate from Peeta's love, when he was five. He did at first, but you know. Oh well, I guess we'll have to live. **

Peeta POVOnce I finally manage to drag Katniss out of the bed for the second time this morning, she tries to make breakfast. We only stayed in bed for an extra hour or so. Although, we did wake up pretty early. It's only 8:30 AM. After a few minutes Katniss flips slightly burned pancakes on my plate. Along with the burnt pancakes, she has prepared some orange juice, bacon, and eggs. Katniss went all out for breakfast.

"Katniss, you didn't have to make all this food." I laugh at her.

"I did." She says leaning on the counter. "I was wondering if you wanted to spend the day with me today, it's nice out." She shrugs. "We could go back to the meadow, where you painted. Enjoy so e time to ourselves. Maybe I could give you some more tips on swimming. What do you say?" She suggests.

It is a fairly nice day outside. It's warm, but cool. Lately it's been cold, but spring is near. I should take the chance to get out of the house.

"Why not?" I smile. She smiles back and turns to clean up the mess she made. "Here, let me help." I offer, walking towards where she is standing.

"No, it's okay. I made the mess." She shoos me away. I sigh, knowing she will not let me help clean up this terrible mess she made for breakfast. However, I do manage to pick up a few dishes and place them carefully in the sink.

"So you said we could walk to the meadow today. When?" She shrugs.

"Well I guess it'd be dumb for you to leave, you're already here." She states. "We could head over anytime you like." She says.

I nod. I look forward to spending the day with Katniss. I tell myself I need to shower, I have been in the same outfit for two days now, spending time with Katniss. But, showering will have to wait, I remember what happened last time me and Katniss spent the day at the meadow. We were covered in mud, until we rinsed off in the lake. I help Katniss finish cleaning up breakfast, and sit down back in the chair I sat in to eat breakfast. Katniss glares at me.

"Whenever you're ready, Mr. Mellark."

I laugh. Something about hearing my name like that, triggers a memory in the back of my head, probably in the deepest part of my mind. After the games, Katniss and I had to play the role of star crossed lovers. We were engaged to be married, I remember wanting it to be real. Katniss claimed she never had feelings for me then, I'm sure it's true. She said she never realized how much she actually loved me until I was taken away from her. It was not an act to me as it was for her, I didn't have to act. It's clear whatever I felt for her then was real, and it may still be real.

I shake it off and clear my throat.

"I don't mind when we leave. How long do you plan on staying?" I ask.

"Maybe for just an hour or two. Whenever you feel like you've had enough of me." She laughs.

"What are we waiting for?" I ask.

She smiles and walks over to the front door, grabbing her jacket.

"Do you need to borrow a jacket of mine?" She asks. I walk behind her.

"No thanks, I think I'll be fine." I answer.

She shrugs and opens the door for me.

Once we are out of the house, she locks the door behind her and walks down the porch steps.

For the majority of the walk it is silent. Katniss doesn't seem to have any interest in talking, and neither do I. After a while I clear my throat.

"It's pretty chilly out today huh?" I ask, trying to start a conversation.

"Yeah, it's been cool. Luckily, it will start to warm up when spring approaches." She says.

I nod. I should have borrowed one of Katniss's jackets. I can handle the temperature, but it would have been nice to bring a jacket. I can't take much more of the silence, the only thing she has said to me was an answer to my own question.

"You left me in the Quarter Quell. Real or not real?" I ask. This makes her stop in her tracks and she turns to look at me. By her face expression I can tell she is confused, although I do not know why.

"Real or not real?" I ask again. She thinks about this for a moment, unsure as to whether she should answer my question or not. I grow frustrated from her lack of response. I don't know why I am acting this way all of a sudden, it is probably painful for her to be asked this question. Maybe she is afraid that I will be angry with her answer, it just popped into my head. I want to know why she prefers not to say whatever the answer may be. I wait. After a few more moments of silence from her, I figure she probably thinks I should know the answer to this already. Just as my lips from an apology, she hesitates.

"Real." She chokes out. A look of realization comes across her face. She knows better than I do about what happened in the Quell. Surely she doesn't realize this until now. I know I'm just making her live in the past again, remember mistakes she thought she made, and make her regret them and feel terrible about things all over again. Normally she would be on the verge of crying. However, she isn't crying. Yet. I apologize anyway. She looks at me unconvinced.

"Why are you sorry Peeta? Why are you apologizing to me?" She asks, waiting for an answer.

"I shouldn't have brought it up." I say softly.

"You don't have to apologize. I'm the one who should be apologizing. For everything." She sighs and runs her fingers through her hair, which is not in a braid anymore.

"I'm sorry about everything that has happened to you and between us." She says confirming her apology. I know by this she means numerous things she thinks she had to apologize for.

"You know I have to apologize for a countless number of things to you." She says.

"But, we would be here all day." She manages to laugh a little. I smile. I don't want I say anything right now, I see if she wants to speak more.

I find myself wanting to apologize to Katniss, for the few times I kissed her. It seems like it's blown off, like it never happened or mattered. I wonder if it mattered to Katniss, if she wanted to bring it up also. I have been trying to figure out how I truly feel about her, especially with our history together. Many memories are still shiny, not clear to me. I know I wouldn't kiss her if it didn't mean anything to me, or if I felt like I needed to, not because I wanted to. It doesn't feel appropriate in our case. I probably remind her more of how terrible things were before and after the rebellion. I feel a piece of me can still find my love I had for Katniss once deep down, but I can't do that to her.

I look at Katniss with tears welling up in my eyes. She looks confused at first, but then I can tell she knows what I'm thinking. She cocks her head sideways and looks like she is concentrating on something. She brushes blond hair out of my eyes and moves her hand to the back of my head, pulling me closer to her face. She stands up on her tip-toes and shifts her lips so that they will soon reach mine. I know exactly what she is doing. She shifts her lips upward, my head is tilted down slightly. I let myself enjoy it for too long, needing to stop her. Once her lips brush against mine, I step back, pushing her away slightly.

She looks at me in disbelief. I want to explain, but as soon as I open my mouth, I can see rejection in her eyes. I immediately regret what I did and scold myself as she runs away from her spot where she was about to kiss me.

"Katniss, wait." I plead as she runs back home, not turning around to look at me.

There's no point in chasing after her, she would just ignore me. Not that I could even have a chance at catching up to her. I put my face in my hands, angry at myself.

I made Katniss think she was unwanted, that I would never learn to love her again no matter how hard I tried. I just didn't and _don't_ to hurt her more than I already had and _have_. It could never be the same between us, if there was ever an 'us.' It'd be too painful for her. It'd be_ unbearable_. I've dug up too much of the past already for her. All I would remind her of is how bad things were long ago. She'd never be able to start fresh, or be happy again with me. I wish I could tell her that. I figure it's way too late. She wouldn't believe me, I don't think. I shouldn't have handled it like that.

I sigh as I start walking toward the Victors Village again, alone. Being alone isn't relaxing or peaceful for me at all. Especially when I know I could have someone else by my side. I wonder if Katniss feels the same way. Many nights, meals, days alone.

Perhaps she believed I could give her a fresh start, a future. Bring her back to life. We could help make each other happy again, despite our losses. I understand that me and Katniss share something no one else could even think about understanding. Only me and Katniss could understand a huge part of each other's life after the games. We experienced the whole situation together, including post-dramatic stress. We both understood each other, like no one else could, from experience. I now know leaving Katniss, at this state especially, is probably the worst thing I could do to both of us. At least now I know how I truly feel about her. There is no confusion there anymore m I think I was just afraid of admitting it to myself, that it could never be the same between us. I wish my feelings would have been more clear to me sooner. I know that my love for Katniss has always been there, and probably always will be. The thought of not loving her from the hijacking is what got into my head. What made the love unclear to me, the thought of not loving her when I did.

When I finally manage to reach my house, I am aware that I have been crying. I rub the dry tears on my eyes and evidence of little wetness appears on my hand. I look over to Katniss's house as I fiddle through my pockets looking for keys. Her lights are still on. I hope I will be able to manage to sleep some tonight, how could I after tonight? I really screwed up. I hope I will be able to talk to her sometime soon and get a chance to explain. I didn't mean to hurt her, I really didn't. I thought I was doing the best for the both of us, but I was wrong.

I step inside my house, throwing the keys on the counter. I exhale out of my mouth, heading towards the stairway.

When I make it to my room upstairs, I change into my pajamas. I would really like for Katniss to be with me tonight, although I know that is an impossible thought for right now.

As I try to fall asleep, I think of how to approach Katniss the next time I see her. I'm really upset about how things turned out. I hope this is fixable. Maybe she would understand, if I explained well enough.

The last thing I do remember thinking before I sleep was how good Katniss's lips would have felt on mine.

**Im honestly really sorry if I killed your feels! I almost cried writing this but it needed to happen. Tell me what you think :) personally I feel the story went downhill a little but sorry it took so long. I was spending New Years with my family and friends :) AND HAPPY NEW YEAR BTW! :) I am unsure as to where I will start the story next, but I know it will be from Katniss's POV. Thanks again, I hope you liked it! Also sorry for any typos, and I might be going to see MJ PT 1 for the second time! Wish me luck! Let the mental breakdowns begin. **


	7. NOTE

**Hello! This is not a pretty important AN but I'd thought if just give you guys a little heads up. So as we all know and dread, Christmas/New Years break is coming to an end. I will be going back to school very soon, and I will be very busy. I really am sorry if I don't update as often, I will mostly be able to work on stories on the weekends. I am involved in sports, clubs, and school for basically the whole day. Also I am full time fangirl, I will need just a little time spent on enjoying reading other fanfics, instead of writing my own. This is random but I went to see MJ PT 1 again today. It was pretty depressing, I made my mom stay till after the credits, my brother made me cry on the way home. He called Peeta crazy. Luckily I was wearing waterproof mascara... Anyway! Sorry guys! I will not be writing full time, but obvi school would be more important in my case. I will try to write as much as possible and when I can. But tell me what you think on my recent chapter! Did you like it :) personnslly I think it went downhill a little bit, in my opinion. I'm struggling trying to start up a new chapter from where I left off. Also, could you recommend some fanfictions for me? I have been trying to actually sit down and read a good everlark story. Specifically, post mockingjay, pre epilouge. I do NOT like AU tbh. That is the whole reason I started writing this story, I couldn't find some good stories to read for myself, so i thought'd I'd use my own imagination. Bc SC didn't give us any input on Peeta and Katniss's relationship. In my opinion, she cut off their relationship completely and went straight into the epilouge. Wow this is long. Sorry guys! Tell me what you think anyway, thanks for dealing with my long explanation. **


	8. Chapter 7

**Hey! So I managed to write this storryyyyy :) with school and all this is what I came up withhh ;) so I hope you enjoy (=￣ ****ρ￣****=) ..zzZZ anyways tell me what you think :)) this story is in Katniss's POV On how she is reacting towards Peeta's behavior and the problem. **

Katniss POV

Why can't Peeta understand that the happiness in my heart can only come from him? I don't think he realizes that my life would have no meaning to it, unless he were a part of it. He is the only one that could ever bring me to life again. Peeta. No one else. I don't think I fully realized this until the Quarter quell kiss I shared with Peeta, on the beach. I always considered this kiss our first real kiss. I'm still not sure if it was for Peeta too, or if he thought I was acting for the cameras. For me it was real, I kissed him out of my own feelings, not to entertain the audience. It awoke my hunger that made me want even more kisses. More kisses that I could ever imagine of getting. I tried to tell him that I really needed to survive, hoping he would believe me. I feel now that all this time, even during the first games, I had true feelings for Peeta. I was too afraid to acknowledge my love for him, I couldn't think about loving anyone at that time. I was afraid, in some way, to love someone. Unfortunately, I will never actually know whether he believed me or not. Peeta could make things good again, no matter how bad our losses. I probably ruined our friendship, not to mention any future with Peeta at all. I should have just waited until he was fully decided on his feelings for me. I was rushing, but I just couldn't help myself. I'm fully aware that I will eventually have to face Peeta again. I can't just ignore him.

I can't take not being with him at all, I want to talk to someone about. It can't be Peeta, obviously. Well eventually I would have to tell him how I feel, I just feel really stupid right now. There is only one other person I can think of. Haymitch. No way am I gonna talk to him about my boy problems. That old, drunk bastard wouldn't care. I try to think of someone else, but there is no one. I sigh, knowing I am out of options.

Without thinking, I grab a light jacket, slip on my boots, and run to Haymitch's house. I try to transport quick, I don't know why, but I don't want Peeta to see me. Of course, his house isn't even locked. I slam the door behind me.

"Haymitch." I say loud, but not yelling.

"Look who decided to show up." I hear him respond not too long after I call his name. I soon see Haymitch clumsily walk down the stairs. He walks over to his couch and gestures for me to follow.

"Sit down." He says. I just look at him.

"I'm guessing you didn't come here for a drink?" He states while still asking a question.

"No." I finally manage to say.

"I came here to, um, talk." I try to say seriously.

"Okay," he sets down his liquor bottle I assume he brought from upstairs,

"What is it now sweetheart?" He asks impatiently.

"Well," I start, "Peeta hates me." I say. Although I know what I said isn't entirely true.

"Katniss, you know that's not true." He says politely.

"Well he doesn't love me anymore! And it's your fault!" I yell at him.

Haymitch looks at me, nodding.

"I see what this is about." He says. I roll my eyes at him.

"Look Katniss, I know this is going to need a little bit of getting used to, but like I said before, there's still a chance that he is trying to find his love for you again." He says nonchalantly.

"But haymitch-"

"Katniss have you even ever asked if he still loves you? You don't know of he does or doesn't." Haymitch questions me.

"No, why would I?" I ask.

Haymitch doesn't seem to have an answer. "The point is, you can't blame him for what happened,"

"I don't!" I interrupt him.

"Let me finish." He holds up a hand.

"It's not his fault that he can't remember,"

"Haymitch I know that." I interrupt again.

"Sweetheart would you just let me finish what I'm trying to say?" He says annoyed.

"You can't just expect him to love you again, he can't remember, no matter how hard he tries. All he is given are flashbacks, memories that don't make sense to him."

"I know that, but I just," I stop. tears start to well up in my eyes.

"I know how much you cared about him." Haymitch insists.

How much I _do_ care about him.

"Why don't you talk to him about it? Why are you even over here instead of there? And how did you get in my house!" Haymitch says when he finally comes to realization.

"Your door was open. And I can't. I made a fool out of myself, Peeta wouldn't understand if I tried to explain. He can't remember how he used to feel about me!" I say louder than intended.

I hate the feeling of him not loving me anymore. I now know how he felt all those years loving me when I didn't love him back. I wish there was an easier way of explaining, but there isn't. He wouldn't be able to relate to the past. He can't distinguish whether events were real or not. Or how he felt towards specific events. It hurts, knowing someone who once loved you doesn't anymore. And you just now start to realize hoe much you actually loved them. How I could I even feel sorry for myself? After all Peeta has gone through? I didn't even care to show him how much I loved him. He waited for me, and was always worried for me. He just wanted me to feel safe, to make sure I knew everything was okay. Of course, Peeta still has those qualities. It's hard to explain how painful it is for him to forget his love for me. I want him to remember how it felt to be in love with me again. And even if he did fall in love with me for a second time, it wouldn't have originated from his love for me. Parts of our love story wouldn't have come from the Quell kiss, the first games, the nights on the train, protecting each other, the secrets we shared, going through tough times together. The 'deep stuff.' I remember once he asked me what my favorite color was. Apparently he considered that some sort of a secret. None of that matters anymore. All those cherished memories to me, mean nothing to him anymore. Even Peeta knowing it was an act at first, he should remember how he turned it into something more to me. How it went from an act, to being real. This makes me want to cry, even with Haymitch right beside me. He must have noticed my silence while I was in deep thought, he is staring at me with big eyes.

"He can't remember any of the good times!" I screech.

"He'll never learn to love me again! Not without the memories!" I yell even more. At this point I am crying, tears streaming down my eyes nonstop. I turn to leave Haymitch and his drunken self alone and run home, but once I do I see probably the last thing I want to see right now. I almost run into him.

Peeta is standing in Haymitch's doorway, with a freshly baked loaf of bread. He must have brought it for Haymitch.

He can see me crying, he probably heard what I said, and he looks more hurt than I am right now.

The look on his face pains me. This makes me want to cry even more.

Peeta looks at me in disbelief with wide, glassy eyes.

His lip quivers before he speaks, "Katniss?" He asks, a little bit confused, but obviously upset.

Suddenly, he looks tense. And that's when his eyes turn to ice, focused on me. Not me, but me as a mutt. He's having an attack.

**OK this is a rather short chapter and I hope you guys are okay with it! I'm sorry if you found numerous typos but like I said I write on an iPod and you know autocorrect and stuff. Well if you didn't get the literal hint I wrote in the passage, Peeta is having a flashback. Anyway tell me what you think! Constructive critisism really helps me improve! I hope you liked it. I will try to update soon, pls don't get mad if it's a little while! I should write a long paragraph to my school mates who don't ship everlark :/ **


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